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My first english post, please dont laugh at me


Hi there, please welcome, I and my English just came out from the small hole in deep inside my heart just showing that this is my first English post and I brave to publish. Hey, come on. Yes.. I'm excessive.. hahaha.

Firstly, I took so long time just to think what should I write as the theme. Then oke. I just want to share why suddenly I write my blog in English.

One day, As an ordinary woman, I have ambition, I have a dream. For some people or many people maybe my dream is too high. But some other people trust me that I am going to do it. I keep my dream for so long.

Hmm.. I used to be a shame to tell everyone. only my husband and my family knew it. No..no.. not big family.. it is only my parent and my brother. Come on.. what is your dream?  your words are too much. hehehe oke..

I wanna get a scholarship for my master degree at abroad, as simple as that. But too hard to tell it. which country ? which faculty and majoring? Please let me hide it first then I'll tell after I passed it.

It has been so long after I get married then i resigned from my job then I was giving birth 3 children. Now.. I think this is the time to continue my plan. So, I start it with learning english. As the first requirement that i have to pass.

Last month i joined TOEFL test, you know what? my score was really bad. It was worse and i was so upset with myself. Hey what did you do for last 8 years after graduated from bachelor degree? I know i am not fluent in English, but how i can pass my toefl requirement to finish my undergraduate degree? Maybe it was Allah helped me much. Alhamdulillah

When at 2008 the requirement to get out (hahaha.. what is get out, seems like i dropped out) from sepuluh nopember institute of technology it was only 450 the score required, and my score was 485 at that time.  it was not bad, right? But now, my score is lower than 450. Hihihi.. I'm shy to tell that actually. Oh, maybe the examiner gave me wrong score *eaaaaa (just my hope).

My husband said, don't be sad, you just need studying and practicing, don't be tired, you do not start it yet. Just focus, don't think about other. I guess only him who always support me, whatever i do in the past and future. Of course, if he objected, just sleep at living room (yes, i felt so mean hahaha.. peace papa.. )

My friend living in Iceland told me, no worries with TOEFL score. I just need more practice. She also said, Even she lives in overseas, she's not sure can get best score for TOEFL cause never practice before. She makes me sure that Everything will be okay.

 today i am throwing up my upset, i forgot my bad feeling, i build my spirit to learning English (again) hahaha.. so, please for you, you, and you, yes you who's reading this post. Please do not laugh at me. As simple as you never laugh at people's disaster (oh this is excessive again.. :p )

sometimes I just want to laugh at my self. Hey you, 30 something mom, what do you think about learning English in your age now? And i say Do i really care? hmm little bit, sometime i feel down but in other time i have full of spirit. Please.. if you are not laughing at me, now please give me spirit even it's only a doa or only said aamiin, it will so mean for me. Wish me luck for finishing this step.

Do I sure that I will pass scholarship test? for now my faith it is only around 10% hahaha.. so bad. But it's different if i am passing IELTS test next, maybe i will sure for 90% and 10% in Allah's hand. i will not feel sure if I'm not studying totally yet.

What is my goal? actually, my goal is fluent to speech in front of scholarship examiners and my future lecturers. and also makes a good journal or paper in English. But i think it's started from simple conversation first right? Now, what do you think about my dream? I am a blogger, 30+ yo, have 3 kids, bad english, and dreaming of living in overseas. Believe it or not.

If you felt confuse with my grammar its okay, me too, hahaha.. cause my english really bad. i write down this story is only for my journal. Seems like diary from zero to hero. Hero?? Aamiin.. 

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